Randomly Missing My Mom

My younger brother dreamed about my mother the other day. He said he was seated on her lap in a cradle position when my mother asked me to call Papa and announce she was there. While I was on the phone, she told my brother, “Hindi ko kaya na wala kayo.”

She has entered my dreams several times, one where I was so happy that I saw her alive, only to sob upon waking up after realizing it was a dream.

Today the mother of someone I know celebrated her birthday, and the latter told me they were taking a trip to the mall. She was able to treat her mother, a thing I wasn’t able to do with Mama alone (since we go out as a family). “Ang sarap sa pakiramdam,” she said, to which I replied, “Do that more often dahil tumatanda na si Tita.” And then I added, “Di ko ‘yan nagawa kay Mama.”

My mother and I disagreed a lot of times, but when both of us were already mature enough to accept our flaws and forgive our mistakes, the universe only gave us four years. I thought I had more, even planned on treating her to Batanes, but death took her away.

Ewan, I know I have written several blogs about missing her. Same content, same longing. But writing is the only way I know to release the agony so I could focus on things I could still change. Madalas nga, sa sobrang nami-miss ko siya, along with other factors, naiisip ko na ring sumunod. But what else could I do besides tapping myself on the back while convincing myself to “stay strong”?

3 thoughts on “Randomly Missing My Mom

    1. ++ without imagining his face. I’m not a crybaby but thinking about his absence in my present life always make me feel sad. I think……time won’t really take the pain away, but I think we just get used to the pain until it hurts no more.

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  1. Hi Je-anne. <3 I know it's a struggle right now and I believe that one day everything will make sense and everything will feel better than right now. The passing of a loved one is very hard to accept… Even I, too, go through something like this… A lot of times lately. :) I'm still fighting… sometimes I don't feel like fighting anymore. I know no one can ever replace the love and company of a mother. It will hurt… She's watching you everyday. There are people that love you and care for you. I recently dreamed of my uncle who passed from depression. Everything sounds so cliche when you're hurting. But like what Taylor Swift's song said, soon it will get better. <3 Je-anne, you're in my thoughts <3

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