All in One Sigh

I didn’t think the day would come that I’d be choosing between being idealistic and being practical. Between my ideals and my gains. My younger self would always choose the former; that’s why I chose education as my college course. But finances and other tragic circumstances made me shift my career. Made me almost lose my ideals. Made me feel experiences I would never have gotten if I continued to teach.

As a teacher, you have many sacrifices to make: the color of your hair, your weekends, your salary. Before you can even get promoted, you need to take your masters and doctoral degree. I am not entirely against that as, to be honest, I’m still having second thoughts in getting one just because I have to, not because I want to. I envy my colleagues who have finished their masters, but envy will go nowhere, I know. I always tell myself that I am destined for something else, maybe not in the education sector, maybe not as a teacher.

But where? I am almost nearing the end of the calendar, but where is this so-called purpose? What do I truly want?

Quite frankly, I miss teaching. I miss being with kids excited to learn something new. I miss the fiery hunger of protecting something crucial—the next generation, our educational system. I have already admitted that writing lesson plans and grading students are part of the job, but the system still sucked and exhausted me. So I dreamed higher, but this only led me to pursue another career because I enjoyed doing it for a year, only to confirm that it’s not my calling either, maybe for part-time work, but not full-time.

The only thing I consistently enjoyed was writing. I wish I knew this when I was a kid, but my parents would have turned against it. I could imagine them say, “Mas lalong walang pera diyan,” just how they told me that, besides the low pay, teaching would exhaust my ideals. (But then again, why does it always have to be money?) I should have known that I wanted to hone my writing skills when I cried after our Windows 95 computer crashed, bringing my fourth grade–written stories with it. I should have written more stories when I still had time. Maybe I would be inspired to take a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and then take further studies, eh?

Sigh.

This was all because Liza Soberano said “Gusto ko baguhin ang mundo” and “Di ko talaga alam kung anong nangyari” in one trailer.

One thought on “All in One Sigh

  1. Shet! I feel you! I hope we find the path where we belong. Na gigising tayo isang umaga na masaya tayong papasok sa trabaho kasi yun yung passion natin, na masasabi nating “ito ang purpose ko”, na hindi lang tayo nagpapatianod sa agos ng buhay. Lavarrn!

    Liked by 2 people

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.