I don’t like it when I’m awake at this time of the day. I’m neither working nor writing; I’m just lying on my bed, thinking about you again, Ma.
At alam ko naman na kahit anong caption ko sa Instagram kung gaano kita namimiss, hindi mo na rin naman na makikita ‘yon.
But I miss you every day . . .
Sometimes I catch myself staring at space, thinking of the day I went home and asked if you wanted anything. You told me you wanted ice cream, but I was already inside the shuttle service and replied, “Nasa shuttle na po ako eh. Baka last na kasi tong service. Next time na lang.” I could have gone down and bought you one and maybe just took a taxi to our house. Now I regret it. Sana bumaba ako. Sana binilhan kita. Di ko naman alam na wala na palang next time.
I wonder if you see me cry every night, missing you, your voice, your touch. I miss your “Nasan ka na, anak?” every time I go home past 11. I miss your menudo and tinola. I miss you, Mama. Isang beses palang kita napapanaginipan. Dalaw ka naman ulit. Ibibili kita doon ng ice cream.
I thought 2016 was hard; I didn’t know 2018 was much harder. This is the first Mother’s Day without you . . . and I miss you . . . terribly.