Once I had a dream that I was getting married. But even in my dream, I knew everything was untrue. I swore to remember the face of my groom…
But I didn’t.
Meeting you made me believe with koi no yokan, the feeling of having a chance that we would end up together. I told no one, and I immediately shrugged the thought away. It seemed pathetic and hopeless that you, a quiet individual who was addicted to anatomy would fall in love with me, a hopeless romantic who wanted to know the beginning of everything but didn’t do something about it.
After two semesters, you did.
During the fights that we had been through, I thought our relationship would not last. I would close my eyes and remember how I threw my Christmas gift to your face, rode a jeepney and gave you up. What made me gave us a chance was your stupidity of chasing after me even if you didn’t know my address.
Your stupidity brought me happiness. It was the first time someone chased me, and it felt good. Not that I’m saying I wanted to be ran after all the time, but I had been chasing people before I met you and got tired of it.
Thank you for not getting tired of me. Thank you for not getting tired of us.
Bringing back these memories made me think of how we changed. Besides our physical appearances that are cuter than ever, we become wiser children… Not adults, but wiser children.
We have a lot in common like being boring to some degree. We’d rather sit on a couch and sleep than travel like most of the couples do. We’d rather talk about education, religion and politics than take pictures of what we’re doing. A person asked me how we made it this far without parks and travels and extravagant gifts, and I seriously have no idea what to reply. Maybe it’s the comfort of being wrapped by your arms for hours, or being occupied of traveling our own world that’s much wider than this world we’re in.
I still have my fears. We haven’t reached the fifth year, the critical year so they say. But as long as I’m with you, I’d be okay even if others would say ‘it’s too early to say all these things’.
Because it’s you… it’s not any other man.
It’s the James with those killer eyes.
It’s the James who doesn’t know how to make faces but if you do, it’s a comedic show.
It’s the James who names all the chicken bones when you eat it, and leave the plate with no meat at all.
It’s the James who tells me that the scientific name of the western gorilla is Gorilla gorilla.
It’s the James who corrects my grammar every single time, but spells ‘weird’ as ‘wierd’.
It’s the James who I can talk to about my frustrations with religion, politics and education.
It’s the James I found three years ago, and the James who found me…
The James who chased me.
And whenever I think of these, I close my eyes again and remember the dream I had before. But this time, the face of the groom becomes clear.
I told this before, but I’ll say it again. Among all the men I loved, you are my favorite.