On Workaholism, Perfectionism, and Overthinking

“Jessamine is a workaholic beast.” Well, no doubt. I am a workaholic. Though, I doubted myself for that so I took a quiz. My score was a big 84 (at least not a hundred).

You are a workaholic. You could be on your way to burn-out, and family members may be experiencing emotional repercussions as well.

When I was asked what I do when I had nothing to do after finishing a long list of ‘to do’s’, I tell them ‘I need to work with something else again, either writing or drawing’.

Maybe, this was the reason why I lose ‘super friendships’ after a year or so. I figured that one out when I had a long decision-making session with myself whether to go or not to go to a reunion.

“Jessamine is a perfectionist; an obsessive compulsive freak.” Again, I doubted myself for that so I took another quiz. The first sentences in the site “Are you obsessed with perfection? Do you constantly let yourself down, no matter how well you do? Do you expect too much from those around you?” I was shouting YES in front of my poor laptop.

From the results, I learned that I am not an extreme perfectionist (oh thank god), but “I feel the need to live up to certain high expectations. I set unreasonable high standards for myself and other people I work with because I feel pressured to live up to societal standards of perfections.”

I also took an OCD test and I scored 23, which meant I am most likely suffering from OCD.

“Jessamine is an overthinker; a pessimist.” Truth is, being an overthinker and a pessimist resulted from committing mistakes. Up to now, every mistake haunts me.

A friend advised me this when I met her last Tuesday, “Learn how to say no, and don’t be too hard on yourself.” Why is it hard to say no? Why the hell is it so hard not to be hard on myself?

Truth is I am very afraid to take the lead. I know myself well, and I know that this “workaholic thing” of me would just make people tired of all my “updates”. If I were to transfer a responsibility, I will do it not because I do not want it anymore, but because I feel that I am being too pushy.

I’m afraid to be judged that way. It can’t be helped, can it?

Some say, ‘it’s all in the mind’ or ‘just look at poverty and set aside your personal issues’ or ‘just don’t mind them and do your own thing’. Heaven knows how I keep on trying to change my mindset and boost my self-esteem, but I feel more depressed, pretentious and worthless…

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