Please do not tell me that you are glancing over my baby albums.

Read my e-mail, and tried so hard not to cry.

Why did I end up like this again?

If you only knew that I had been receiving nightmares when I sleep… But those were dreams–my past. If you only knew how much I have been trying to hide my tears when someone talks about what makes a family. If you only knew that the song ‘perfect’ made me want to jump off a building.

What I just read made me want to forgive, but fear still came into me. I want to tell you that I am a college math instructor already. I want to tell you that I will receive my first payroll this week… I want to tell you that I have a worth, that I have something to be proud of… That you have something to be proud of.

I want to tell you that I miss you so much too, but I am still afraid to go back–afraid for that event to happen again.

I am crying as I type this, but I am trying not to sniff, to keep my crying silent. They might hear me, and might have the wrong notion about this.

Maybe, on the day I marry, as you deliver your messages, I’ll be there in a corner, crying again.

Still, I am trying my best to be your perfect daughter.

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