The Pain I Went Through

Rejection. Insult. Incompatibility. All of these contributed to the pain I am feeling right now.

It sucks when you realize that you should never assume things.

Being a graduate from one of the prestigious universities here in the country, I thought it would be easy to find a job. To tell you the truth, I had been applying in more than five companies. My first choice was a private school and  I was rejected. I was really depressed when they hadn’t called for three days as I was thinking if I really sucked at teaching. Even though the love of my life would always console me, it felt like the world fell on me.

Next I went to a Montessori school. I was not prepared, but I was surprised they got my measurements for their uniform even if I was not yet interviewed. Funny, I thought. Although I still tried my best because the location was worth it. Sadly, I ended up being insulted. I remember the principal saying, “Look at this pretty face,” she was pointing to my 2″ x 2″ picture in my resume. “I was expecting to see a pretty face, but there you are. You should put light make-up, light lipstick…”

I went home crying. The love of my life, again, said that she was unprofessional to say that; he said that I was pretty etc. But it still hurt a lot.

Then I went to two English tutorial centers where I applied as an online English teacher. The first one had a 2 PM to 11 PM shift. I declined the offer since I know I couldn’t comply to the time. For the latter, I was unsure. I said that I was applying for a morning shift. The HR told me that they are prioritizing PM shifts, but if there is a vacancy in the morning shift, I would receive an e-mail.

Though I did something stupid. I read an essay about Online Teaching. I was not really absorbing the words, I thought they were only testing my pronunciation until the HR lady asked me a few questions. After she said, “okay, I will now proceed to the interview”, I almost want to kill myself for being so stupid. She was testing my reading comprehension, not pronunciation.

Then I applied in another school. It was very far from my place (I felt like my salary would wholly be dedicated to my transportation fee. Plus the class starts at 7 AM so I should be up at around 4 AM) so I decided not to confirm my attendance in the interview.

Next, I applied as an assessor. I answered frankly as I can during the interview. After, I told the love of my life about this and he told me that during an interview, I should not answer too frankly. So I laughed, and already expected that I won’t be hired.

Afterwards, I sent a resume to a famous cafe as assistant manager. In just a day, I received an email that they cannot hire me because they believe that there were others who would have a greater experience.

The four are under incompatibility. Although the last two had a mixture of rejection.

Now, I am applying as a part-time lecturer in a foundation. Sometimes when I look at my classmates’ pages in Facebook, I become envious especially when I see “works as a full-time faculty”.

Actually, I still think of it; that I am fat; I am ugly; that my parents were right when they said I had no worth. Someone, please enlighten me. I might die right now.

3 thoughts on “The Pain I Went Through

  1. Waaa. I never thought I could see myself in you in this blog. Ganito ako for 2 years– fresh grad (tho nakapag work ako for 6 months, contractual, and unfortunately hindi pinalad na ma-absorb ng company) Maybe until now nandito pa rin yung feeling na gusto ko na lang kunin ni Lord. Kasi hindi pa rin ako sure dito sa work na pinapasukan ko, wala pa akong working visa (nasa Dubai po ako btw hehe) and kaya ko lang naman ‘to pinasukan kasi I’m so tired of all the rejections I received in the past 2 years. At gusto ko na magtrabaho para maramdaman ko namang may silbi ako sa buhay nila, para may dahilan pa rin ako kung bakit gusto ko pang gumising kinabukasan.

    Napaka walang buhay nitong trabaho ko. Ako lang mag-isa sa office most of the time, nag-aantay ng ipapagawa ni Boss. Kung wala, like what I am doing right now na tambay dito sa blog mo, twitter, instagram, kpop, wattpad etc. Mukhang nakakainggit sa tingin ng iba~ siguro nga. Pero kapag iisipin ko ng pangmatagalan, parang nagtatapon lang ako ng buhay dito eh. Wala naman akong choice kasi kapag may trabaho = may pera = may kwenta. Tho hindi naman nila ako sinasabihang walang kwenta pero… ewan ko. Kapag wala akong trabaho, bat nabubuhay pa ko?

    Ginagawang goal ko na lang yung pagbili ng libro… para may i-look forward pa ko.

    Hala Ate sorry. Haba na pala nito XD


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