Rejection. Insult. Incompatibility. All of these contributed to the pain I am feeling right now.
It sucks when you realize that you should never assume things.
Being a graduate from one of the prestigious universities here in the country, I thought it would be easy to find a job. To tell you the truth, I had been applying in more than five companies. My first choice was a private school and I was rejected. I was really depressed when they hadn’t called for three days as I was thinking if I really sucked at teaching. Even though the love of my life would always console me, it felt like the world fell on me.
Next I went to a Montessori school. I was not prepared, but I was surprised they got my measurements for their uniform even if I was not yet interviewed. Funny, I thought. Although I still tried my best because the location was worth it. Sadly, I ended up being insulted. I remember the principal saying, “Look at this pretty face,” she was pointing to my 2″ x 2″ picture in my resume. “I was expecting to see a pretty face, but there you are. You should put light make-up, light lipstick…”
I went home crying. The love of my life, again, said that she was unprofessional to say that; he said that I was pretty etc. But it still hurt a lot.
Then I went to two English tutorial centers where I applied as an online English teacher. The first one had a 2 PM to 11 PM shift. I declined the offer since I know I couldn’t comply to the time. For the latter, I was unsure. I said that I was applying for a morning shift. The HR told me that they are prioritizing PM shifts, but if there is a vacancy in the morning shift, I would receive an e-mail.
Though I did something stupid. I read an essay about Online Teaching. I was not really absorbing the words, I thought they were only testing my pronunciation until the HR lady asked me a few questions. After she said, “okay, I will now proceed to the interview”, I almost want to kill myself for being so stupid. She was testing my reading comprehension, not pronunciation.
Then I applied in another school. It was very far from my place (I felt like my salary would wholly be dedicated to my transportation fee. Plus the class starts at 7 AM so I should be up at around 4 AM) so I decided not to confirm my attendance in the interview.
Next, I applied as an assessor. I answered frankly as I can during the interview. After, I told the love of my life about this and he told me that during an interview, I should not answer too frankly. So I laughed, and already expected that I won’t be hired.
Afterwards, I sent a resume to a famous cafe as assistant manager. In just a day, I received an email that they cannot hire me because they believe that there were others who would have a greater experience.
The four are under incompatibility. Although the last two had a mixture of rejection.
Now, I am applying as a part-time lecturer in a foundation. Sometimes when I look at my classmates’ pages in Facebook, I become envious especially when I see “works as a full-time faculty”.
Actually, I still think of it; that I am fat; I am ugly; that my parents were right when they said I had no worth. Someone, please enlighten me. I might die right now.