Would you?

Would you understand if I say smiles hurt more than tears? That pretending was a hard thing to do? That there would be circumstances wherein hiding your real feelings was necessary? That there were people around us, hoping for our time?

Would my words mean a promise immediately? Would you understand me if I do not want you to be late at home… Even risking my own time? Risking the peace of mind I should have had when I get home before ten? Would you not be prepared for impromptu decisions?

Would you listen to me if I told you what I thought happened? Would you know that I don’t get things easily and that sarcasm was a hard thing for me to get?

Would you know how many times I sat beside you? Tried to talk to you? Held your hand? Tried to ask you what was wrong but got no answer? Ran and left my friends when you said you were leaving?

Would you remember the times when I tried to make your day by preparing simple surprises, and just set them aside when you get angry? Would you think of these too? Would you know the difference between a wish and an expectation? Would you believe me if I say I never expected you to do these kind of stuff, and it would be okay if I’d be the one doing this for you? As long as I know that you love me… wouldn’t hurt me?

Would you believe me if I say that the three months and a few days of having you as a special someone in my life contained the happiest and the saddest moments of my life?

Would you know how much I planned for the 25th? Since I thought you would be the happiest on Christmas day if you read the letter on the day itself? That it brought tears to my eyes when I gave you my present a few hours ago which should be given tomorrow?

Would you know that I thought this would be my happiest Christmas… but you just proved me wrong?

Would you understand if I’m not prepared to talk to you yet? That I am scared to see you?

Would you bring tears to my eyes again just what others did to me?

I thought you would. I thought you wouldn’t.

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