Confession of a Girl Often called ‘Insecure’

I have this Body Dysmorphic Disorder or BDD. To keep it short, BDD is a psychological disorder wherein the affected person gets concerned on his body features almost every second of his/her life, resulting to stress and/or depression.

I learned this during my second year in college when my Stat 101 professor gave us a questionnaire which contains questions like “Do you fix the flaws on your clothes?”.

This is the reason why I don’t wear shorts and rarely wear dresses; the reason why I could take a bath in five minutes, but would dress up like forever. One second I’d ask my brother, “Do I look fat?”; the next second, “Do I look okay?”. If someone tells me that I look fat, I won’t eat (my bulimia is another issue); I rarely accept invitations on swimming parties. Even at my closest friends’ houses, I put pants. It would not matter if I wear pants because I really like to, but it’s so unfortunate that it’s because I’m afraid to show my legs.

The results? It reached a point in my life wherein I just wanted to disappear. I often pray to be a photograph, and ask why I was born this way. And yes, I become quiet when I’m surrounded with people who are blessed with physical beauty.

People call this insecurity, but I think it’s more than just that. Maybe I just need someone who’d say, “Hey, I like the way you are.” Maybe we need understanding.

2 thoughts on “Confession of a Girl Often called ‘Insecure’

  1. Ate! I like they way your are :) Maybe you think na I like who you are today kasi 2017 lang naman kita nakilala as “ay, sya yung author na masakit magsulat eh” saka every time na may babasahin akong story mo, feel ko na agad na masasaktan ako. HAHAHA. Grabe ganyan yung impact mo sakin. At oo gusto ko yung ikaw ngayon kasi by reading your old blogs, I can see how far you went through from who you are before. Nakakapagshort ka na. Hehe.Hala di ko sure kung may sense ba ‘tong pinagsasabi ko. Haha! Ge, Ate. Dami ko pang babasahin XD

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